


A Yearning Desire

by boneswrites



Series: Things You Said [4]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series
Genre: AU, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Major Character Injury, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-08 12:22:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7757716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things you said after it was over: you should have called me.</p><p>Months after they break up, an unexpected event - say a call from the ER - brings Jim and Leonard back together, stirring up old feelings and they realize neither of them had really moved on. They slowly linger and weave back into each other’s lives, once again rising up to where they’re meant to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for stopping by and I hope you enjoy this. Feedback is always greatly appreciated! (More characters to be added as we go and maybe a rating change, too.)

“Dad! Your phone!” Joanna calls out from the living room.

“Bring it over, Jo.”

Joanna trots into the kitchen, holding her father’s buzzing phone as he quickly wipes his hands on a towel. She disappears when he pushes the phone into his ear.

“Leonard McCoy.”

“Doctor, this is Chekov from the ER.”

“Oh hey, Chekov, everything alright?”

“Jim Kirk has just been brought in, and you’re listed as his emergency contact, sir.”

Leonard falls into silence and tries to swallow around his suddenly dry throat. “Yeah, I am. Is he okay?”

 _Stupid question_ , Leonard thought. _If he were okay, they probably wouldn’t be calling his emergency contact_.

“He was brought in a few minutes ago, he’s in CT right now and they’ll know more when he’s out. According to the paramedics, he was mumbling the hospital’s name before he lost consciousness.”

Leonard sighs. “All right, I’ll drop off Jo at our neighbor’s and I’ll be right in.” He hangs up and runs his hand over his tired face. “Jo?” He calls out.

Joanna appears a few seconds later. He kneels in front of her to be her height.

“Baby, I have to get back to the hospital, okay? I’ll leave you with Mrs. Johnson and you can play with Katie until I come home, how does that sound?”

“Can’t I come with you?” Joanna asks with a small voice.

Leonard shakes his head. “No, baby. I won’t be long, I promise. You’re going to have fun until I come back.”

“Okay,” Joanna nods.

“Okay,” Leonard kisses her forehead before standing up. “That’s my big girl. Go fetch your shoes.”

He’s back at the hospital in less than thirty minutes, walking over to the front desk to ask about Jim.

“Doctor McCoy,” Chekov smiles. He’s a third year resident with a Russian accent, red curly hair that falls over his forehead, freckles clinging to his cheeks and a bright smile that drives Leonard mad sometimes. He does envy the kid from time to time, though.

“Anything new?”

“He’s in Exam room four and they’re waiting on more tests.”

“Thanks,” Leonard nods, walking around the ER he knows like the back of his hand.

The door is open and he contemplates knocking but decides against it. Instead, he leans against the frame with his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“I see old habits die hard,” Leonard speaks up.

It does little in startling Jim, but he quickly opens his lids and looks up, not quite believing his ears. The voice he hasn’t heard in months, the voice he ached for in the middle of many sleepless nights. Warmth rushes over him, running his eyes over Leonard’s body, from top to bottom, thinking for a second it might just be his hallucinations. But Leonard looks so _real_. He looks thinner, too, but that’s about the only difference Jim sees. It dawns on him that he’s staring and the older man is probably expecting him to say something.

“Yeah, you’d know,” Jim throws back, his voice dry and hoarse. “What are you doing here?”

“I think I should be the one asking you that,” Leonard arches an eyebrow, walking into the room and closing the door behind him. “Apparently you asked them to bring you here.” His eyes trail over Jim’s face, the closer he gets the more evident the damage is. Bruises, a black eye, a split lip. “Jesus, what happened to you?”

Jim closes his eyes and groans. “Well, like you said, old habits die hard.” Jim opens his eyes and notices that Leonard isn’t in his scrubs. “Don’t tell me you finished your shift and saw or heard my name somewhere and decided to pop in for the hell of it.”

“It would have been better if that were true,” Leonard says. “The ER called me, I’m still your emergency contact.”

Jim nods slowly. “Right…I swear I was getting around to changing that to Sam. They didn’t need to call you, though, I’m sorry about…you don’t have to stay. I’m fine, really, nothing I’m not used to.”

“Jim, they called me, which means there’s a reason they called me. I’m a surgeon, I know how it works.”

“Look, Bones—” Jim abruptly stops, speaking a name he hasn’t uttered in such a long time sends a wave of emotions through him and builds tears in his eyes. Jim tries his best to keep them at bay. “I appreciate it, I do, I know how hard it is for you being here so I’m letting you off the hook. I’ll call Sam, I won’t be alone.”

Jim’s words sting Leonard but they’re interrupted before he could reply. He turns to see Geoffrey M’Benga walking in.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know anyone was with Jim,” M’Benga says, slipping on a pair of latex gloves. “Hey, Len.”

“Geoff.”

If M’Benga felt the tension in the air, he didn’t comment. And both men were grateful. It isn’t news to anyone that Jim and Leonard were once involved in a rather serious relationship. And seeing Leonard at Jim’s bedside, clearly seeing each other for the first time since they broke it off, wasn’t anything but awkward…they kept it to themselves.

“I’ll be giving you an ultrasound, Jim,” M’Benga spoke, “to see what’s happening inside.”

 _What the hell happened to you, Jim?_ Leonard thinks.

“This is going to be a little cold,” M’Benga warned and squired some gel onto Jim’s abdomen and started moving the head of the probe horizontally.

Leonard watched the screen, holding his breath until M’Benga switched off the machine and gave Jim a towel to wipe his stomach with.

“Geoff?” Leonard prompts, with some level of nervousness in his voice.

“There’s some blood in your abdomen, Jim,” M’Benga begins, “it isn’t a significant amount but I don’t know where it’s coming from. There’s a possibility it will resolve on its own but I don’t want to risk that. We can operate now to take care of it, stop the bleeding and figure out the source.”

“Surgery?” Jim whispers. “What happens if we decide to wait?”

“It could either stop or get worse, much worse.”

“Bones,” Jim says with a shaky voice.

“It’s okay, Jim, it’s gonna be okay,” Leonard moves closer to Jim. Habits really do die hard.

“I don’t want to have surgery,” Jim quivers.

Leonard knows this, Jim’s fear of surgery. It doesn’t really have to do anything with doctors but more with Jim’s experience in life. His uncle went in for a routine surgery and never woke up. Leonard nods, thinking for a few moments. “How long before he absolutely needs to have it?”

“Well, I would say an hour, two at most. But that’s a chance I don’t want to take,” M’Benga insists.

“If there’s a chance it can be solved on its own, I’ll take that chance,” Jim says frantically.

M’Benga sighs. “An hour, I’ll give you an hour, Jim. And I’ll bring in someone to monitor you.”

“No need for that, I’ll stay with him,” Leonard offers.

Jim’s eyes go wide with surprise. “You don’t have to,” he reminds him.

“I know, I want to.”

Not knowing what to say, Jim nods.

“Alright then, I’ll be back in a while to check on you,” M’Benga says and steps out of the room.

Leonard drops into the chair next to Jim’s bed and they fall into silence.

“I’ll be right back, okay? Gotta make a phone call.”

Jim nods, staring at the ceiling. His eyes don’t move, even when Leonard returns a few minutes later. He’s itching to ask the obvious question, but can’t seem to bring his voice to cooperate. Having Leonard near him has quickly sent him down a spiral, one that he has been trying to climb out of for months. And now the bastard reappears in his life and damn everything to hell.

Jim clears his throat. “Why?”

“Why…what?”

“Why are you staying with me? You’re under no obligation—”

“Damn it, Jim, I know that,” Leonard interrupts.

“Then you gotta tell me why,” Jim turns his head to face Leonard.

Leonard sees something he ever rarely saw in Jim’s eyes: vulnerability. Jim never allowed anyone to get to him, to get through him, to see past those thick walls he built around himself. Except for Leonard, who had managed to not only break down Jim’s barriers, but also not run scared when he saw what lies behind them. He accepted Jim, as he is, with his flaws and perfections and for a moment, they thought they’d be on top of the world forever. Until, well, until everything around them crashed and took both men down with it.

Truth is, Leonard doesn’t know why he decided to stay, which is very unlike him. He never took the decision to remain at Jim’s side, he had simply wanted to see how he was doing and then leave, go home back to his daughter. He’d keep an eye on Jim, of course, when he’d go back the next morning for his shift and he’d ask around, get the details of Jim’s recovery. But as soon as Jim had turned to him, his voice small and shrunk with fear and face almost ghostly white, he had jumped and said he’d say. Jim had turned to him with nothing but longing and trust, even after everything they went through.

A huge part has been missing in Leonard’s life since he broke things off with Jim, a deep hole that he tried to convince himself would heal with time. A hole that only grew wider and wider as each day went by without Jim to come home to. And suddenly, he realizes that nothing would fill that gapping space except for Jim.

Leonard sighs, snapping back to reality. “Honestly? I don’t know. I wasn’t planning on staying. But then I realized that I wanted to.”

“Jesus, Bones, you can’t,” Jim takes a deep breath. “You can’t just pop back into my life and say stuff like that while I’m…”

“While you’re what?”

“While I’m still in love with you,” Jim admits. “I never moved past it, Bones. And I don’t think I ever will. So imagine what I’m going through, I have a hell of a day just to have it end with my ex, who, might I add, I’m still hung up on like a fucking teenager who can’t get a grip on his life, yeah _that_ ex drops by for a visit, and I just don’t understand why. And you wanting to be here isn’t an answer,” he pants.

 _What the hell_ , Leonard growls to himself. “Maybe it’s because I’m not over you, either.”

Jim’s eyes widen. “Don’t you have a family?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I heard…” Jim trails off.

“It’s just me and Jo. I tried starting something after we…but that didn’t last. Because he wasn’t you. Jo didn’t like him much, either. And I know how we left things off—”

“You were perfectly clear, Bones.”

“I was an idiot, Jim. The biggest idiot. I never should have done that.”

“Maybe you should have, and this doesn’t change anything,” Jim shrugs.

Before Leonard could reply, a harsh cough throws Jim forward, tearing through his body and turning his face red. Leonard quickly gets to his feet and hits the call button repeatedly, hard. His hands find its way to Jim’s shoulder, clutching tightly as the spasm passes. Jim’s palm is decorated with flecks of crimson, a trail of blood running down his chin.

“Damn it,” Leonard curses, gently helping Jim backwards.

“Bones,” Jim wheezes, his eyes painted with terror.

“Shh, Jim, don’t try to speak, you’re gonna be okay.” Leonard moves around the bed, grabbing the oxygen mask and placing it over Jim’s face. “Don’t fight it, Jim, deep breaths.”

M’Benga rushes in, his eyes immediately going to the monitoring equipment.

“He coughed up blood.”

“We can't wait any longer. We have to do this now,” M’Benga orders.

Leonard nods, looking down at Jim. “They’re going to take you upstairs now, Jim, okay?”

Jim shakes his head.

“Yes, they have to. It’s not working, they have to operate. Don’t worry, I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.” Leonard watches as Jim’s eyes slip shut courtesy of the sedative pushed into his IV line.

“Will you be here?” M’Benga raises an eyebrow as they roll Jim towards the elevator.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay then. Waiting room, I’ll come find you.”

“Take care of him, Geoff.”

Leonard is suddenly aware he has no idea what happened to land Jim in the hospital, and to put him in such a state to require emergency surgery.

And something else tingles inside him, something he later finds out is worry. And just like that, he’s back to that time Jim managed to admit himself to the hospital after pulling a stupid stunt and the near maddening feeling Leonard was going through at the thought of losing Jim. They had been together for four months.

And even now, Leonard is suddenly aware that he’s still terrified of losing Jim.

Making his way into the waiting room, Jim’s words echoed in his mind… _I swear I was getting around to changing that to Sam._ Right, Sam. Sam should probably know his brother is currently having emergency surgery. Leonard still has Sam’s number. No doubt, though, the brother will immediately know something’s wrong. But it’s better than staying silent.

Leonard takes a deep breath, and once he’s seated on a couch in the room occupied only by him, he touches Sam’s contact and prays to God he didn’t change his number. He releases a breath he was holding when the phone rings.

Sam picks up after a few rings. “Hello?”

“Hey Sam, it’s Leonard.”

“Hey Len,” Sam seems to be relaxed but Leonard can practically hear him stiffening.

Sam realizes it’s not a friendly call, not the kind you give someone you haven’t seen in a while to catch up and decide on a time to meet. No, it isn’t because his brother and this man haven’t been seeing each other for a long time.

“This isn’t a courtesy call, is it?” Worry crept in Sam’s voice.

“I wish it were, Sam,” Leonard sighs.

“What happened?” Sam braces himself.

“He’s uh, he’s in surgery right now. I’m not sure what happened, they called me when he was admitted to the ER cause I’m his emergency contact. There was some blood in his abdomen and it was recommended to operate right away but Jim didn’t want that, so we agreed to wait an hour. But before the hour was up he was coughing up blood and they took him in now,” Leonard explains carefully, making sure not to leave anything out.

“Damn his stubbornness to hell,” Sam blows out. “Why didn’t he just get it before it came to that?”

“You and I both know Jim, Sam, there’s no making him do anything.”

Sam sighs. “You’re right. I’m guessing you’re at your hospital?”

“Yeah, the waiting room on the surgical floor, you can go right up from the main lobby.”

“Okay, I’ll get going now. Thanks for the call, Len.”

“Of course, drive safe.”

They hang up and Leonard finds he’s slightly nervous, as if he were meeting Jim’s protective older brother for the first time. In more ways than one, he is. And he didn’t know what to expect from Sam. He’s a very reasonable and adjusted man, but when someone hurts his family, it doesn’t end well for them. And Leonard most definitely hurt his family when he broke up with Jim.

He leans back, closing his eyes and tries to will his heart to calm down. He doesn’t come to until he hears the door open and closing a second later. He scrambles to his feet and faces Sam Kirk, an older and maybe a little wiser version of Jim. They share the same blond hair and blue eyes, although Sam’s complexion is a little darker than his brother’s. Leonard remembers they also have the same striking smile that would make any live human being wander at its brightness.

Leonard take a deep breath, letting it out slowly as both men look at each other for a few moments. It’s Sam who advances, stopping short in front of Leonard and takes the doctor by surprise when he wraps his arms around his firm body for a hug.

Leonard most definitely doesn’t expect that and freezes, unsure how to react. But he recovers quickly and returns the embrace. Leonard was actually expecting a punch or a slap.

They pull back and Sam moves to the couch, right next to where Leonard was sitting. Leonard joins him, intertwining his fingers and resting his arms on his thighs.

“Have you heard anything?” Sam asks.

Leonard shakes his head. “Not yet.” He glances at his watch, it’s only been twenty five minutes since he called Sam. “It’s probably going to be another hour before we hear anything.”

“You didn’t find out what happened?”

“No, but it wasn’t an accident, that much I know.”

“How?” Sam frowns.

“His face, it was bruised and he had a black eye and a split lip.”

“So he got into a fight,” Sam sighs.

“That would be my guess, yes. But I never got around to asking him.”

“We’ll find out,” Sam leans back.

“How are Aurelan and the kids?” Leonard changes the subject.

“They’re good,” a small smile spreads on Sam’s lips. “They’re at a party now, and the boys are sleeping over at their friend’s so we thought it would be best not to worry them about Jim until we know more information. Aurelan will come here once they’re settled in. They worship their uncle.”

“I remember,” Leonard nods. “I never got to apologize. For what I did and how things ended. I…never meant for it to happen like that. I never meant for it to happen at all.”

“Jim’s still trying to deal with that, he still struggles with coming to terms with it,” Sam says sadly. “You were family to all of us, Len.”

He knows Sam doesn’t mean to guilt trip him, but it makes Leonard feel even guiltier for what happened. _He’s my family, too_ , Leonard wants to reply but doesn’t, because what he did…no one does that to his family.

“I thought you’d punch me or something, but I definitely wasn’t expecting a hug,” Leonard says.

“I didn’t know what I would do when I saw you, either. Punching you wasn’t that low on my list. But when I saw you, I remembered.”

“Remembered what?” Leonard whispered.

“That you’re the man my brother is in love with, you’re the love of his life and that still means something, regardless of everything that happened. And I finally accepted what I’ve always known. What happened wasn’t your fault, Leonard.”

A bitter laugh escapes from Leonard’s mouth. “How isn’t it my fault? It was all my fault. I got played and I didn’t see it coming and it cost me Jim. I never thought I’d lose him, and it was my fault that I did.”

“You need to stop blaming yourself. Jim doesn’t blame you, Len. He never did. So you need to stop, too. Look, it’s not like you set out to hurt him, even I know that. Just like I know that you still love him,” Sam says calmly.

“God no, I never meant to hurt him. I should have fought harder but I didn’t and I lost one of the most important people in my life,” Leonard shakes his head. “You know, even Jo asks about him from time to time. And I have to tell her, every time, that I don’t know how her Uncle Jim is doing. He wasn’t just important to me, he wasn’t a source of light only in my life but for Jo, too. And I took that away from her. We both depended on him and we both lost him. I should have known better.”

“You didn’t lose him, you know,” Sam speaks up after a moment of silence. “He’s here, Len. Trust me, nothing’s changed for Jim, at least not about how he feels towards you and Joanna.”

“But why—how? After what I did, how can he not hate me by now?”

“Jim doesn’t have a single evil bone in his body. He’s incapable of hating someone he’s loved so deeply for so long. And he understands, he gets it, and he’s willing to move past it. You just gotta forgive yourself.”

“Now I know where he got all his pep talks from,” Leonard smiles a bit.

Sam chuckles. “Guess his secret has been blown.”

“Thanks, Sam, really,” Leonard nods, sincerity coating his eyes.

“You’re family, man. Sometimes family drives you a little crazy but it never breaks. You’re here, he’s here, the rest is up to you.”

They sit in comfortable silence for two more hours. That is until they see M’Benga walking towards them wearing an unreadable expression. The amount of blood on his scrubs speaks for itself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News about Jim. A moment between Jim and Sam. Jim and Leonard talk about...everything, more or less. Feelings and confessions happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really pleased with the response to this story and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Feedback is always greatly appreciated!

They both spring to their feet, slightly kneeling into each other as M’Benga walks into the room.

“Ben, if you remember, this is Sam, Jim’s brother,” Leonard manages to say.

“I remember,” M’Benga extends his hand. “I’m sorry we have to meet again under these circumstances.”

Sam nods, shaking the doctor’s hand. “How is Jim?”

“There were some complications, when one of his ribs broke it punctured his liver and lacerated the organ. Not to mention the contusions on one of his kidneys and abrasions to his skin and tissue underneath. There was a lot of bleeding when I got in there and I had to resect a part of his liver to stop the bleeding.”

A breathless gasp leaves Sam’s parted mouth.

“It’s fine, though,” Leonard intervenes quickly. “The liver regrows with time.”

“That’s true,” M’Benga nods. “It will be a tough recovery, but he should be fine with time. It’s a good thing Leonard was there,” M’Benga turned to Sam. “If it weren’t for him, I doubt Jim would have agreed to the surgery. He promised to be there when Jim wakes up.”

“Really?” Sam turns to Leonard, and sees a faint pink coloring his cheeks.

“Yeah,” M’Benga answers for him. “Jim will be weak and a little disoriented when he wakes up.”

“He is no stranger to that,” Leonard chuckles, hoping to lighten the mood.

It works, Sam giving a small chuckle, too.

“Thank you, Ben,” Leonard gives his friend a quick hug.

“Of course,” M’Benga nods. “I’ll come find you when he’s settled in recovery.”

It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off Leonard and Sam’s chests, finally allowing them to take a real breath.

“You know who would like to see Jim?”

Sam raises an eyebrow.

“Joanna,” Leonard smiles.

Sam mirrors the action and pats Leonard’s thigh. “That’s the spirit, my friend.” He gets up when he spots M’Benga out the door and walks out, Leonard on his heels.

Once they’re in Jim’s room, each sitting on a chair on either side of the bed, Sam texts the room number to his wife and leans back, the consistent beeping of the heart monitor comforting them both.

“Where’s Joanna?” Sam asks when he remembers Leonard asked about his family.

“She’s with our neighbor, I never really intended on staying if I’m being completely honest. I decided to check in on Jim and then keep up with his recover while being…out of the picture. But when I saw him, something changed and…I just couldn’t go. I didn’t want to go. I’m rambling, to answer your question, she’s sleeping over there. It’s fine, though, she’s with her friend.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Sam smiles. “Jim’s gonna love seeing her, she was all he talked about.”

“Depending on how he wakes up and how the night goes, if everything is okay then I’ll probably pick her up from school and bring her here tomorrow,” Leonard plans.

Sam agrees.

Aurelan knocks on the door and walks in about an hour later, standing on the head of the bed, gently patting Jim’s legs through the blanket. She notices Leonard, who looks like a child on his first day of school. She gives him a small smile and squeezes his shoulder, reassuring him everything’s okay between them. Jim and his angelic family.

Sam and Aurelan leave to get some food from the cafeteria and Jim decides to wake up while they’re gone. Leonard catching a small stir from the corner of his eye and straightens his back, the magazine he was flipping through goes forgotten.

“Jim?”

Jim pushes out a small groan.

“Welcome back, sleeping beauty,” Leonard smiles over Jim.

“Bone’?”

“Yeah, right here, kid.”

“Dream…”

“No, it’s not a dream.” Leonard watches as Jim’s hazy blue eyes run over his face and he remembers.

“You…”

“I didn’t leave, I said I’ll be here when you woke up, didn’t I? Besides, there’s stuff we need to talk about,” Leonard reminds him. “Not now, though, you probably won’t remember any of this.”

Jim nods, his eyes not leaving Leonard’s face. He fights the droop threatening to take over.

“Don’t hold back, Jim. Go back to sleep, you need it. Everything’s fine. Sam and Aurelan are here, too, they’re just getting something to eat.”

Jim shakes his head.  
“Yes,” Leonard insists. “You’ll feel better when you wake up, I promise.”

Jim trusts Leonard, so he lets go and allows the darkness to settle in. Leonard waits a few moments before linking his hand with Jim’s warm one, giving it a light comforting squeeze.

Sam and Aurelan don’t comment when Leonard doesn’t break their connection when they return.

*****

Jim sleeps through the night, Sam being the first face he sees when he comes to in the bright room the next morning. He moves his head from side to side before opening his eyes and settling them on his brother. Leonard had promised to be there. And he wasn’t.

“Hey Jimmy, good to have you back,” Sam smiles.

Panic surges through Jim’s veins, wondering if Leonard had once again walked away from him. If the doctor had decided this was another big mistake and—

Sam speaks before Jim questions the obvious absence further. “He had to go for a bit, to drive Jo to school is all,” he explains. “He’ll be back.”

Jim swallows.

“Promise, he didn’t want to leave. I even offered to drive Jo myself,” Sam continues.

Jim raises an eyebrow, cocking his head to the side.

Sam chuckles, shaking his head. “We talked, we’re fine, really.”

“I don’t remember you being fine last time we talked about it,” Jim rasps out with a small cough.

The older brother reaches for a half-filled cup of water, hanging it to Jim who gratefully accepts it. “Well, I saw some things and I was just being stubborn. Really, it’s all good,” Sam assures Jim.

“I can’t believe he’s actually here. Well, you get what I mean,” Jim admits, his voice softer thanks to the cold water refreshing his throat.

“Did you talk about anything before…”

“I kinda blew up in his face,” Jim says with an embarrassed tone. “I went on about how I’m a teenager who can’t get over him and that I’m still in love with him…I didn’t mean to say all that, it just happened. All it took was for him to reappear like a ghost from the past.”

“And what did he say?”

“That maybe he wasn’t over me either,” a blush creeps into Jim’s cheeks.

“That I can see,” Sam nods. “But Jim, you have to remember—”

“Why we broke up in the first place, yeah,” Jim interrupts. “The arrangement will get messed up and that would be disastrous and I shouldn’t get my hopes up because me and Bones probably won’t ever be together again. Better as a friend than nothing, huh?”

Sam stays silent, a baffled look on his face. “Bullshit. That wasn’t even remotely what I was going to say. You really need to stop jumping to conclusions, Jimmy.”

“Then what?”

“ _You have to remember_ to not let it get in your way again, that you should fight for each other against anything that stands in your way. To not let it tear you apart. I think this is enough proof that you two are meant to be.”

“Why? Because he got a call telling him I was dying in ER?”

“Maybe…but he still came didn’t he? And you weren’t dying. Is that everything you took from what I said?” Sam huffs.

A sheepish smile spreads on Jim’s face. “We did fight but…I guess it was stronger than us.” _And I was scared_.

“Not again, bro. I’ll stay until he comes back, and then I got work to catch up on.”

Jim didn’t argue.

Leonard returns half an hour later, panting and struggling to draw a breath.

“Easy, champ,” Sam gets up, freeing the chair closest to Jim’s bed.

“Running around the house is not how I was expecting to spend my morning,” Leonard heaves.

“Jo driving you a little mad?” Jim smirks.

“She’s getting too fast for me,” Leonard nods. “Mentally and physically.”

“You aren’t that old, Bones.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling yourself again,” Leonard raises an eyebrow.

Jim smiles with a shrug.

Sensing the silent connection between the two men, Sam quickly says his goodbyes and promises to drop by later and slips out of the room, satisfied.

“So…” Jim watches Leonard fall back into the chair.

“There’s some stuff to talk about,” Leonard fills in Jim’s statement. “I talked with Sam for a bit.”

“He touched on that, yeah. I hope he wasn’t too much.”

“No, not at all, it was good. I was a little worried, but no one got hurt,” Leonard chuckles.

“Good.”

“He really cares about you, Jim, and he made me see some things…”

“I’m not imagining there’s still something here, right?” Jim says nervously.

“No, you’re not. There’s still something, and that’s why we need to talk. This can’t be like last time, Jim.”

“I know, Bones. I know it’s not going to be easy but I’m willing to fight harder than I ever have. If what happened is any indication, it’s that I was at fault, too.”

“No, Jim, you weren’t. I shouldn’t have let it get between us.”

“You were forced, Bones. You were forced to pick between me and Jo and I’ve always known she’ll always come first for you. It’s one of the many things I love about you,” Jim gives him a small smile.

“It never should have been that way, Jim. I shouldn’t have picked. Yes, Jo is my daughter but you’re the love of my life, too. You’re both equals for me. And I’m so sorry I let you down. But still, you should have called me when this happened.”

“I couldn’t have done that, no matter how much I wanted to. But in the end, I couldn’t risk messing everything up,” Jim sighs.

“It’s over, Jim. I have sole custody of Jo now.”

“There’s uh, something I never told you.”

“What is it?”

“I wasn’t looking for a way out but…when everything happened and it broke loose, I have to admit I knew I wouldn’t stop it either…because I got scared. I never expected to feel this way about you and it took me by surprise. I knew I didn’t have the strength to walk away but I didn’t have the strength to stay either. I fought for us, I did, but my mind wasn’t in the right place. I’ve regretted not holding on tighter since the day it happened,” Jim sniffs, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

Instead of replying, Leonard pulls closer to Jim, taking his hand and holding it firmly. “I know all that. From the moment I met you Jim, I knew you had problems with commitment. And it doesn’t change how I feel about you, and you stayed all that time, Jim. It became overwhelming for us both towards the end, and I can’t help but think I should have done something more.”

“Your hands were tied, Bones. Jocelyn played dirty when she pulled that stunt, using me to get to you. We both know she wanted Jo and she would have stopped at nothing to get her,” Jim reminds Leonard.

“She thought I would pick you over Jo because I loved you so much and that would show how terrible of a father I was but it just showed how terrible of a boyfriend I was instead,” Leonard shook his head.

“No, never, Bones, never. You’re the best person I know. You risked everything for your daughter, that kind of love and selflessness is rare. You have sole custody now, you can do whatever you want.”

Leonard studies Jim’s face, the blue eyes wide with determination, meaning and feeling every single word. They echo inside Leonard and attach to his heart. He knows exactly what he wants to do.

Leonard barely pushes out a “then I’ll do this” before his lips are crashing against Jim’s pink ones, the sensation of finally tasting Jim on him after all that time takes his breath away. Despite the surprise, Jim recovers quickly, returning the kiss with just as much enthusiasm and desperation. The feeling is almost too overwhelming, bringing the tears back to Jim’s eyes and one rolls free down the side of his face. The force of the kiss slows down, to simply a touch of lips and Leonard cups Jim’s face before pulling back to rest their foreheads against each other.

“How much I’ve missed you, darlin’,” Leonard whispers.

Jim nods, his eyes still closed. “God, I’ve missed you more.”

Leonard gazes at Jim’s face through his eyelashes, remembering all those times he’d pray to be this close again. Close enough to count the freckles decorating Jim’s face and know that he his memory hadn’t failed him, remembering how they resemble stars and his feels whole again, the dark pit slowly closing shut, never to be reopened again.

Jim is the one to pull back and opens his eyes, silver shimmering against the blue as he meets clear hazel. He still can’t believe he made up with Leonard, that the older man is back in his life and will stay…the sudden drop must have shown on his face because Leonard’s forehead immediately contracts.

“What is it, Jim?”

“I just…I can’t believe this is happening and…just don’t leave me again,” Jim pleads. It’s pathetic, he knows, but he really can’t help himself. Losing Leonard again would destroy him once and for all.

“I’m not going anywhere, Jim, I promise. For good this time, come whatever, I’m not letting you go,” Leonard planting his lips against Jim’s forehead.

Jim relaxes, suddenly feeling tired and sleepy.

Leonard helps Jim back and lowers the angle of the bed, brushing a lock of hair from the younger man’s face.

“Bones…”

“Shh, Jim, go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“’kay.” With that, Jim is out like a light.

*****

_“You can’t possibly ask me to choose between Joanna and Jim!”_

_“I’m not asking, Leonard, I’m telling. What are you doing to do about it?”_

_“I can’t believe how low you’ve sunk, Jocelyn. Dragging our daughter into this mess wasn’t enough for you so you go and include Jim, who’s got nothing to do with this might I add, just to get to me, to get under my damn skin. This game of yours…”_

_“This isn’t a_ game, _Leonard. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t take it so lightly._ He _is a part of this. He’s coming between you and your daughter, am I the only one who sees that?”_

_“My God, how dare you say I’m taking this lightly? After all these years, you don’t know a thing about me. I would do anything for my daughter. And ’he’s coming between you and your daughter?’ Are you even hearing yourself? Of course he isn’t! He loves Jo as if she were his own child.”_

_“You put his needs over Joanna’s.”_

_“Are you talking about that time in the hospital? Goddamn it, what was I supposed to do? He needed me. Jo understands.”_

_“She’s a child, Leonard! How much do you think she actually understands about this whole thing? Your daughter needed you. And I had to tell her—”_

_“Oh, this is about you now? Of course it is, because the entire damn world revolves around you. And yes, she understood because she loves Jim, too. He’s important to her.”_

_“And I’m not comfortable with that, and that’s my right. I don’t want my daughter growing up around two men. It’s…unnatural.”_

_“You don’t have a say in what I do with my life and who I spend my time with. I am sorry to be the biggest disappoint of Jocelyn Darnell’s_ perfect _life.”_

_“What concerns my daughter concerns me. I’m not saying it again, Joanna or…him.”_

_“Jim, his name is Jim. And he’s one of the best things that ever happened to me so you might want to start showing some respect.”_

Leonard had managed to keep the situation with Jocelyn over Joanna’s custody under wraps and in control for a while. Until she decided to take him to court and lord knows how, he ended up being forced to pick Joanna and prove he ended his relationship with Jim.

They had shared custody, under the conditions that Leonard doesn’t communicate with or see Jim. If that were broken, Leonard would lose all his rights. That is until a sloppy decision landed Jocelyn and Joanna in danger, leading to Leonard gaining full custody of his daughter and Jocelyn was out of the picture. Why he never called Jim after that…he doesn’t know.

Leonard startles awake, not aware he had drifted off. His eyes land on the monitoring equipment which tell him that Jim is doing fine. He checks his watch and realizes that Jim is due for another check in around twenty minutes, but he decides to let him sleep as much as he can. Getting Jim to settle down and relax has always proved to be a huge hassle.

A knock on the door grabs Leonard’s attention.

“Come in.”

Christine Chapel, one of Leonard’s nurses, walks in holding a large file.

“Hey Chris,” Leonard smiles.

“Doctor McCoy,” she nods. “Sorry to barge in like this, I know you have the day off but—”

“It’s no problem, what’s up?”

“Mr. Jefferson was just brought into the ER.”

“What happened?” Leonard extends his arm and takes the heavy file. Being a patient of his, he knows Jefferson’s history and that he’s prone to develop aneurisms even after Leonard takes out the existing ones.

“Same symptoms,” Chapel says.

“Alright, get all the tests done and bring them to me. I’ll drop by to check on him in a while.”

Chapel nods. “How’s Jim doing?”

“He’s alright, he should be just fine with time,” he gives her a small smile.

“Glad to hear it,” she smiles and walks out.

It’s almost like nothing happened between Leonard and Jim. It seems like the hospital staff were delighted, and maybe even relieved, at Jim’s return into Leonard’s life (not about the circumstances, though). But Leonard knew the younger man has always been a very likeable person.

Leonard still doesn’t know why Jim ended up in the hospital, he remembers. And he wouldn’t like the answer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Jim start to reconnect. Joanna arrives, plans are made and we learn an important piece of information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying writing this and I hope you're enjoying reading it! I think there's going to be one more chapter after this one. Thank you for stopping by and feedback is always appreciated!

Leonard is looking through the results he asked Chapel to bring him. It looks like Jefferson will need surgery as soon as possible. And Leonard wasn’t really looking forward to being on his feet for a handful of hours. He’s so caught up with the file in his hand he doesn’t notice when Jim wakes up and stirs.

Jim decides to stay quiet, observing Leonard and not wanting to disturb him. With the doctor’s forehead crunched down and eyes focused, Jim knew it was important.

When Leonard finally closes the pile of papers and begins to lean back, Jim speaks. “Hey.”

Leonard immediately looks up, his eyes wide. “Hey yourself, how long have you been staring at me?” Seeing that the haziness was gone from Jim’s blue eyes.

“A while, didn’t want to interrupt.”

Leonard sighs, already feeling the exhaustion settling in his bones. “Nothing I haven’t read before.”

“It looks important,” Jim sits up slowly.

“Easy, Jim, your ribs are still healing.”

Jim nods.

“It’s a patient of mine, poor guy is predisposed to aneurisms. I’ve already taken three out and he’s just developed another one,” Leonard says.

“Wouldn’t it be easy to take it out though? Since you’ve done it before?” Jim asks.

“Not necessary,” Leonard shakes his head. “Every aneurism is different and so the removing procedure is different, too. Some are easy and some are hard, and this one is different than the other three. It’s more complicated and it’s imbedded around brain matter. It’s very risky to take out.”

“Will you…take it out?”

“Not much of a choice. If I don’t take it out and it pops—it’s like a fluid-filled sack right—it will kill him, and if I operate and something goes wrong, he could end up brain dead.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, and as his doctor I have to advise him of the best decision which I don’t know,” Leonard’s shoulder slump forward.

“Come here,” Jim pats his bed and Leonard gets up, wiggling next to him. He holds him close, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest.

“This is just like old times,” Leonard whispers. “Me bouncing medical talk off you when you have no idea what it all means.”

Jim chuckles. “You’re such a good teacher I can mostly always keep up.”

“Or you’re really good at pretending to keep up,” Leonard huffs.

“Sometimes,” Jim admits. “I know it’s a hard decision, an impossible one even, but I think you should give him the best care he can get.”

“But which decision is that?”

“Okay, so you said it can burst any moment right?”

“Yeah.”

“And there’s no way to know for sure when that will happen?”

“Impossible.”

“Then I think your decision is right there.”

“To operate,” Leonard concludes.

“He survived three of these, Bones, something tells me he doesn’t give up easy.” Jim leans down and presses a kiss to Leonard’s clothed shoulder.

“No, he doesn’t. He actually reminds me of you sometimes. Stubborn but so damn strong,” Leonard admits. “I need to go check on him but I didn’t want to leave you alone and Jo’s almost out of school.” He moves to sit up and turns around, planting a soft kiss to Jim’s lips and feeling him smile against it.

Just as Leonard detaches, Aurelan knocks and walks in.

“Hey guys,” she smiles, holding a box of what looks like chocolate pieces.

Jim’s eyes go wide at the box and a smile spreads on his face.

“Hey Aurelan,” Leonard gets up, giving her a quick hug. He turns to face Jim to see him staring at the box. “I know what you’re thinking and take it easy, alright? You’re still healing.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Aurelan assures Leonard.

“I’m not alone anymore, Bones. Go see him and get Jo,” Jim says.

Leonard raises an eyebrow.

“What?”

“I was planning on bringing her here after school.”

“I’m psychic,” Jim winks.

“Psychic, my ass. Don’t go into a diabetic coma until I’m back,” Leonard warns.

“And let you miss out on all the fun? No way,” Jim promises.

“I’ll be back,” Leonard waves and walks out, heading to the ER.

“It seems like nothing has changed,” Aurelan says when Leonard is gone.

Jim shrugs. “I mean, things have obviously changed and we talked about it for a bit. It’s not awkward though, and I’m grateful for that. We still got some things to figure out, but we’re good. Really, we are.”

“I just…you’re my little brother, Jim and I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“I know, but he never meant it, I know that. And it’s still eating at him and I want to help ease that because there’s no point in dreading over the past. It happened, and it changed us both, we’ll figure out how to fit together again but I know we’ll fit,” Jim smiles.

Aurelan caresses Jim’s cheek softly. “I’m proud of you.”

“All I had to do was land in the hospital. If only I knew that was all it would take,” Jim jokes.

“Next time, please refer to a safer option,” Aurelan teases.

“There won’t be a second time.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

Jim comes to move but breaths out a painful groan instead.

“You okay?” Aurelan’s voice echoes with concern.

“Fine,” Jim nods tightly. “Just my ribs, it’ll pass.”

“Take it easy,” Aurelan reminds him.

M’Benga knocks and makes his presence known, arriving for Jim’s check up.

“Hey doc, this is Aurelan, my sister-in-law,” Jim introduces.

“Nice to meet you,” M’Benga shakes Aurelan’s hand.

“You too, thank you for everything you’ve done for Jim.”

“It’s my pleasure,” M’Benga nods. “Now, let’s see what we’ve got here. In any pain, Jim?”

“Just now, when I moved. My ribs are aching.”

“That’s gonna happen for a few more days.” M’Benga grabs Jim’s chart and looks through the latest notes. “Your blood pressure is a little lower than I like it to be, so we’ll take care of that and give you some pain medication for your ribs. Any dizziness, lightheadedness?”

“Nope.”

“How’s your appetite?”

“He’s been eyeing this box of chocolates since I came in,” Aurelan chuckles.

“Has he? All right then, that’s a good sign. But I won’t agree on starting with chocolate, I’ll have a nurse bring you something light for your stomach and we’ll take it from there.”

Jim nods.

“Where’s Len?”

“Checking on a patient of his in the ER and then he’s going to pick up Jo and bring her here,” Jim smiles.

“Ah, that sounds nice. She’s grown so much.”

Excitement surges through Jim’s veins when he hears that, suddenly eager to see Joanna again and reconnect with her.

*****

Leonard gets to student pick up ten minutes before the final bell of the day rings, thanks to the trafficless hour it was. He nods at some familiar faces, parents of students in Joanna’s class. He’d talk to them whenever they were planning a sleepover or at one of the fairs. Leonard didn’t really care much, but he didn’t want to come off as an asshole dad so he tried to be as polite as he could.

A few minutes after he hears the bell, he sees his daughter skipping towards the gate and her face lights up when she spots him, urging herself into a sprint right into his arms.

“Dad!”

“Hey Jo-bear,” he lifts her and hugs her tightly.

“I missed you,” Joanna pushes her face into her father’s neck, her arms wrapped tightly there.

“I missed you too, baby. How was your day?” Leonard asks, kissing her cheek and putting her back on the ground.

“It was good! We learned math and then read a story on the red rug and played outside. But I fell,” she points to her knee, it’s slightly scraped but otherwise fine.

“Aw, sweetheart,” Leonard inspects the small wound. “Does it still hurt?”

“No, it was burning in the beginning but then I forgot about it and it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“You’re so brave, my big girl,” he kisses her forehead and takes her hand, walking towards his car.

“Are we going home?”

“Not quite.”

“Then where?” Joanna frowns.

“I’ll tell you when we get in the car.”

Leonard takes Joanna’s backpack and helps her into the backseat, making sure to buckle her seatbelt. He slides into the driver’s seat and buckles his own.

“We’re going to hospital to visit Uncle Jim,” Leonard tells Joanna.

“Uncle Jim?” Her eyes go wide with surprise.

“Yeah,” Leonard nods. “He got a little hurt, so we have to be real careful around him, okay?”

“Okay,” Joanna smiles. “Can we get ice cream? I still remember his favorite flavor!”

Leonard chuckles, shaking his head. “No baby, not yet. I don’t think he’s allowed to have ice cream for a few more days. But I’ll promise you this, as soon as he can get ice cream, we’ll have it the three of us together, deal?”

“Deal!”

Leonard starts the car and drives off the hospital, _we’ll have it the three of us together_ …the words rang in his head, making it seem like nothing had happened at all. They were together then and they’re still together now. Except that it isn’t the same this time, and Joanna has no idea. She’s a smart girl and Leonard knows that, but he was grateful that she couldn’t quite comprehend the situation. He just wouldn’t know how to explain it because how can he explain something he himself doesn’t full understand yet? He didn’t really explain much when he broke up with Jim, either. He couldn’t find the words to tell Joanna why he ripped Jim out of both their lives. But as far as he’s concerned in the moment, his daughter was happy to be seeing Jim and they’ll deal with whatever comes up later…together. Together. Getting ice cream was always Joanna’s favorite thing to do with Jim.

He also remembers Jim’s favorite flavor: chocolate chip.

*****

Leonard walks hand-in-hand with Joanna on Jim’s floor, spotting Chapel standing by the nurse’s station.

Once she spots her, Joanna frees herself from her father’s hold and jogs towards Christine, a big smile on her face.

“Hey Jo,” Chapel kneels down to embrace the child. “I missed you!”

“Me too,” Joanna snickers, holding onto her neck.

“Hey Chris,” Leonard catches up to them. “Would you mind keeping an eye on Jo for a sec while I check on Jim?”

“Absolutely,” Chapel nods.

Leonard kisses Joanna’s head and walks towards Jim’s room. He opens the door slowly and peaks in, not wanting to wake Jim if he were asleep. Aurelan was gone, and the only sound in the room the beeping of the heart monitor. Jim’s eyes were closed with the bedhead propped up but Leonard knew he wasn’t sleeping. His face was far too tense for that. Leonard had Jim’s sleeping face memorized, relaxed and carefree, but not now. Not wanting to startle him, Leonard speaks softly.

“Hey Jim.”

“Hey Bones,” Jim replies, his eyes still closed. “The atmosphere is uncharacteristically quiet.”

“Yeah, Jo’s out there with Chris, I didn’t want to disturb you if you were sleeping.”

Jim’s eyes opened to that and he sat up slowly, making sure not to dislodge his ribs.

Leonard stares at Jim, his eyes bluer than ever, coated with clarity and determination. It takes Leonard’s breath away.

“One more second and I’ll walk out there to see her myself,” Jim warns.

“Hold your horses, cowboy. You won’t make it to the door.”

“Is that a challenge?” Jim narrows his eyes.

“No, because I don’t want you breaking any bones today. One sec,” Leonard rolls his eyes playfully and pops his head out the door, waving for Jo to come over.

Jim hears him whisper “remember what we talked about, Jo,” before the door’s pushed wide and the little girl walks in, a huge smile plastered on her bright face.

“Uncle Jim!”

“Hey babygirl!” Jim exclaims with so much happiness it brings Leonard to tears. Also the use of that particular nickname for Jo, invented by Jim and only used by him. “Come over here and show me how big you’ve gotten!”

Joanna walks over to Jim’s bed, hovering close but out of his reach. She runs her eyes over his body, and both men could see the train of thought running in her head.

“Daddy said you got hurt,” she says in a low voice, her eyes drifting to the stale floor.

“Yeah, that’s true,” Jim nods and extends his arm to her. “Come here, Jo.”

Reluctantly, she takes the few steps closer and stands against the bed rail. “Are you okay?” She looks up at his face.

Jim exchanges a quick glance with Leonard and sees content as he watches them both but he sees something else, too. The lingering question, or reminder, _you still haven’t told me what happened to you._ Jim gives him a small nod and turns his attention back to Joanna.

“I am, Jo, and I’m even more better because you’re here,” Jim strokes her soft cheek.

Joanna smiles. “I asked dad if we could have ice cream because I remember your favorite kind but he said you can’t have ice cream yet but he promised when you can have ice cream we’ll all have it together.”

“Oh did he?” Jim raises his eyebrow at Leonard.

Leonard chuckles, walking over to them and pulling the bedrail down. “Yeah, well, as long as Uncle Jim listens to doctor’s orders and does as he’s told.”

“Mean Bones,” Jim pouts.

“No, Uncle Jim, you have to,” Joanna speaks up.

“Just for you, Jo.”

They opt for a simple seating arrangement, Joanna on the edge of the bed near Jim’s legs and Leonard on the chair close to them. They spend the next hour talking about Joanna’s schools days and her friends and filling in Jim on what he missed out. Leonard leans back, observing Jim and Joanna easily falling back into their relationship like nothing had happened. Like they had just seen each other that morning. Like they were still a family. Leonard silently promises both of them to make them a family once again, to fix his wrongs and the mistakes he had made. To make it up for them and never let them down again.

A knock on the door snaps Leonard out of his cloud. It’s Chapel.

He joins her outside and hears what she has to say. In short, his patient needs surgery and it can’t be delayed any longer. He needs to get Jo out of the room to tell Jim.

With the help of Chris, Jo goes over to the nurse’s station to help sort out paperwork by their color codes, giving Leonard a chance to talk to Jim.

“What’s up?” Jim frowns when Leonard returns alone.

“He needs surgery, he’s gotta have it now,” Leonard sighs.

“Oh,” Jim nods slowly.

“I just want to spend time with you and Jo.”

“It’s okay, we’ll be here when you’re done,” Jim promises.

“I don’t want to leave Jo alone with you, she can be a handful and you’re still recovering. I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

“Bones, don’t worry about it. I think she understands what’s going on, she’s already gotten so smart since I…” _Last saw her_. “Besides, Sam said he’s dropping by so I won’t be alone.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Okay,” Leonard nods, studying Jim for a few moments, leaning down and pressing his lips to Jim’s. Assured, he steps outside to talk to Joanna.

Joanna trots over to her father and he kneels in front of her. “I know I said I would spend time with you and Uncle Jim but I have to do some work for a few hours. Can you be a big girl and stay with Jim while I work? And stay quiet and calm for him?”

“Yeah,” she nods.

“Remember Uncle Sam, Jim’s brother? Yeah, that’s good because he’s going to be visiting later.”

“It’s nice his brother is visiting,” Joanna says.

“Yeah, it is Jo-bear. Okay, remember, be good for Jim until I finish,” he kisses her forehead.

Leonard walks her back to the room and leaves.

Joanna sits in the chair that was occupied by Leonard, her hands in her lap.

“So, Jo, what do you want to do?”

“Dad said I have to be quiet and calm,” she tells him.

“That’s true but we can still talk,” Jim smiles.

Joanna stays silent for a few seconds, Jim knowing she has something on her mind but is trying to put it into words.

Finally, she speaks. “Your clothes were gone from home.”

Jim’s eyes widen with surprise, not expecting her to open this subject.

“Where were you gone?” She asks. “Did I do something to upset you?”

Jim doesn’t know how to answer her, thinking she’s always been too smart for her age. He hasn’t discussed it with Leonard and how to handle talking to Joanna about it. Not wanting to overstep or say something he isn’t supposed to, he plays it safe.

“I think that’s something we have to talk about with your father,” he says carefully. “How about we wait for him to come back after work and talk about it together? And no, Jo, you didn’t do anything, okay? I promise it wasn’t your fault.”

Joanna weighs Jim’s answer and agrees. She quickly dives into stories they read in school, spending time telling Jim about the plot and characters. Wanting to engage with her, Jim begins asking her questions about her favorite parts and why she loved them. He could see her eyes lighting up as she explained, recalling details and reliving the magic of those stories. Jim had missed this the most, those moments with Joanna when the world would fall away and it would be just the two of them.

“Can I read you some stories when we’re home?”

 _We’re home_. Would Jim be going back home with them? Not wanting to heart her heart, he gives her what she wants and decides to talk to Leonard about it later. “I would love that, Jo.”

*****

Surgery takes longer than Leonard had expected and he leaves the OR on shaky legs and baggy eyes. It had worked out, Jefferson was touch and go for a while but he leaves the OR alive and Leonard takes that as the victory that it is. After overseeing his settlement in recovery, he opts to change out of his blood-covered scrubs and into his civvies before going back to Jim and Joanna. No one had commed him during the procedure about Jim or Joanna so he assumes that everything is all right.

He stops by the door and peers into the window, his heart fluttering in his chest at the scene in the room. The bedhead has been reclined backwards and Joanna was comfortably snuggling against Jim’s side, her arm thrown against his stomach and his palm securely holding her shoulder, keeping her from falling over the side. They were both sleeping.

Leonard smiles and steps in the room, quietly closing the door behind him. He walks over to the other side of the bed and brushes a blond strand from Jim’s eyes, kissing his forehead and letting his lips linger.

It brings back Jim for a moment, just enough to peep his eyes open and look up at Leonard.

“Bon..es,” Jim slurs.

“Hey,” Leonard whispers.

“How did it go?”

“Fine, how about you? Feeling okay? How was Jo?”

“Good…and great,” Jim stifles a yawn. “Sam dropped by for a bit, ‘t was fun.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Leonard weaves a hand through Jim’s hair. “I gotta get Jo home and—”

“It’s okay Bones, sleep at home,” Jim says.

“Jim…”  
“I’m just gonna sleep,” Jim insists.

“Okay,” Leonard agrees. “I’ll be back in the morning after driving Jo to school.”

Jim nods. He moves slowly, just managing to kiss Jo’s hair.

Leonard begins to untangle his daughter from Jim’s body, slightly scared since Jo tends to hold on tighter to whatever is near her reach. He was thankful she didn’t clutch tighter to Jim this time. She doesn’t budge, just continues sleeping even when she’s adjusted on Leonard’s shoulder.

“If anything happens, they call me, Jim, okay? I’m serious,” Leonard says.

“Promise,” Jim struggles to keep his eyes open.

“Get some rest, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jim doesn’t reply as he falls back into darkness.

*****

“She asked that?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know what to say or what you would have wanted me to say…I don’t even know if you talked to her about it so I told her we’d talk about it with you,” Jim says.

“I haven’t talked to her,” Leonard says truthfully. “I was trying to wrap my own head around it, I didn’t know how to explain it to her.”

“I understand that,” Jim nods. “But I think we should talk to her about the situation. I’m sure she’s confused, I mean I disappear and then I reappear…”

“I know, I just need to find an opening. How do I explain it to her?” Leonard sighs.

“We’ll figure it out,” Jim takes Leonard’s hand.

“I want you there, though,” Leonard squeezes Jim’s hand.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I am. It will be easier to talk when I know you’re here.”

“I’ll be there, then,” Jim vows.

“There’s another thing we need to talk about,” Leonard draws closer to Jim.

“Yeah, I know,” Jim is suddenly nervous. He was wondering when this would come up.

“You wanna tell me what happened?”

“You’re probably gonna flip out…”

“I probably will,” Leonard huffs. “This was no accident, was it Jim? It was serious.”

“Yeah,” Jim sighs. “I was mugged.”

“What?” Leonard’s eyes go big, his eyebrows knitting together harshly.

“It was dark and I was alone…I didn’t have much, something like thirty bucks and my credit cards. They took those and they were gonna leave but then they saw it…”

“Saw what?”

“The bracelet, the one you gave me for my birthday. I was wearing it and they wanted to take it but I wouldn’t give it up. It was the only thing I had left of you, Bones, I wasn’t going to give it up without a fight,” Jim sniffs, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Taken aback, Leonard looses his voice. He feels his own eyes water and moves to sit on the bed next to Jim.

“They didn’t like that,” Jim continues. “So that’s when it started, and they wouldn’t stop. The world was spinning and I was on the ground…”

Leonard closes his eyes, not wanting to imagine Jim, _his_ Jim, being violated and beaten and left helpless.

“Did they take it?” Leonard asks quietly.

“No,” Jim shakes his head. “A group of guys were passing by and chased them away. They hung around until the ambulance came to make sure I was still alive and then…well, I don’t remember much after that. It’s with my stuff.”

“You’re a damn fool, Jim Kirk,” Leonard’s voice breaks with emotion.

Jim gives him a shaky smile. “I wasn’t going to let them take that bracelet. It’s more than just a bracelet.” _A promise, a light in the darkness, something to hold on to…_

“I would have done the same thing,” Leonard admits. “But I still hate that this happened to you. You’re the last person to deserve it.”

“I survived,” Jim shrugs.

“You ain’t easy to take down, kid.”

“Damn right,” Jim winks.

Leonard shakes his head, a light chuckle leaving his mouth. “How about we find out when you can get out of here? I remember promising Jo ice cream.”

“You read my mind,” Jim beams.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Joanna take Jim home. Joanna asks some questions and Leonard confides into Jim about a sensitive topic.

“Easy, Jim, easy,” Leonard reminds as he helps lower Jim on the couch in his living room.

“This place hasn’t changed one bit,” Jim observes, his eyes darting over the room. The same photos were still hanging on the walls, the furniture in the same place and it still feels like _Leonard and Joanna_.

Joanna skips into the room, holding a big glass of water and carefully hands it over to Jim.

“Thanks, Jo,” Jim smiles, taking a small sip and opening his palm towards Leonard.

“Two now and another two in six hours,” the doctor says, dropping two tablets into Jim’s hand and watches as he swallows them down. Making sure Joanna is busy with her homework, Leonard sits next to Jim, taking his hand. “We have to talk to Jo.”

Jim nods, leaning his head on Leonard’s shoulder.

Joanna had already started noticing the moments between the two of them, and began to filter it through. She also seems to be comfortable with the situation as it progressed, something Leonard and Jim were both grateful for since they themselves were still wrapping their heads around it. The reconnection had happened so quickly it took them both by surprise, it was like coming up for fresh air and they couldn’t help but keep breathing.

Leonard digs his hand into his pocket and pulls out the bracelet, opening his palm to reveal it to Jim.

Jim’s eyes travel from the silver piece to Leonard’s face, the hazel eyes so soft and inviting and he’s finally home. He smiles that blinding smile of his and extends his arm, allowing Leonard to clasp it where it belongs.

“If only people knew how soft you are. You’re almost gooey, Bones,” Jim teases.

“Watch it, kid,” Leonard raises his eyebrow but couldn’t suppress the smile climbing on his face.

“Don’t worry, it’s our little secret.”

“Uh huh,” Leonard shakes his head. “How are you feeling?”

“A little tired from the movement but I’m fine. Feels like I’m finally home,” Jim says with satisfaction.

“You are home,” Leonard kisses Jim’s temple.

When the younger man had brought up what Jo said about reading him stories when they’re back home, Leonard had told Jim he wasn’t going to take no for an answer regarding going home with both of them. Leonard had actually went ahead and fixed up the house to accommodate Jim and his needs during his recovery. Besides, there’s no way in hell Leonard would have let Jim recover away from his sight. His words. So, it was only logical Jim would stay with them.

Jim stifles a yawn, bringing Leonard back to reality.

“You should take a nap,” Leonard gets up and grabs the blanket nearby. “I’ll catch up on some paperwork for the hospital and we can talk to Jo when you wake up.”

Jim agrees, letting Leonard recline the couch and cover his body.

“If you need anything just call out, okay?” Leonard goes to find Jo to tell her not to disturb Jim.

*****

It’s dark outside when Jim wakes up, curled on his side and clutching the blanket tightly. How long has he slept? He sees the purple sky setting in and smells the aroma of Leonard’s famous spaghetti with meatball engulfing the house. Jim’s stomach rumbles and he moves to sit, rubbing his eyes. He gets up and walks into the kitchen, just in time to see Leonard place the large bowl in the center of the table.

Leonard looks up and smiles at the new presence.

“Just in time, I was just going to wake you.”

“Hi, Uncle Jim!” Joanna says with excitement, placing the cutlery next to the plates.

“Hey Jo, and it smells amazing Bones, and I’m starving. I would be disappointed if I didn’t wake up,” Jim chuckles.

“Take it slow though,” Leonard warns.

“Yes, doc,” Jim salutes Leonard and drops into a chair across from him, with Jo at the head of the table.

They chitchat over dinner about the small things, Joanna’s school day, her friends and her plans for the upcoming long weekend. Which included a camping trip with Jim and Leonard. They would revisit that idea later.

Jim watches as Leonard packs away the leftover food and proceeds to wash the dishes and hand them over to Jo for drying. Once the kitchen was clean, they all retreat into the living room.

“So Jo,” Leonard takes a deep breath, unsure how to begin. “You asked Jim where he went and why his clothes were gone in the hospital.”

Joanna’s widen. “Am…was it wrong?”

“No, sweetheart, it wasn’t. But he did the right thing when he said we should talk about it all together. It’s going to be a lot, but we’re going to try to explain it in a way you’d understand. And if you have any questions don’t be scared to ask, Jo.”

“Okay,” Joanna nods, paying attention. “Did…did uncle Jim leave because of mom?”

Okay, so maybe Joanna wasn’t as out of the loop as both men had assumed.

Caught off guard, Leonard takes a moment to recollect himself and shares a quick look with Jim, seeing the same amount of surprise on his face. He decides to answer. “Yeah, Jo, it was because of your mom.”

Leonard has never spoken ill of Jocelyn in front of Joanna before, nor does he ever intend to. He knows she wasn’t the best of mothers but he would never do anything to darken Joanna’s view of her. Unlike Jocelyn was doing with Joanna about Leonard.

“Your mother…didn’t like Jim, she didn’t like the idea of them being around us,” Leonard said, and could see Jim winching from the corner of his eye.

“But we love Uncle Jim, and he loves us,” Joanna frowns.

“I know sweetheart, but your mother didn’t understand that.” Leonard decides not to bring up the custody issue because that will just make Joanna ask more questions, questions he possibly doesn’t have answers to.

“She’s not here anymore, is that why Uncle Jim is back?”

“In a way, yes. But she hasn’t been here for a while and Jim just came back. He’s back because we…we want him back. I didn’t know how to explain it to you before, and when he left…I’m sorry that I did that, Jo. I’m sorry I didn’t explain. I know it was hard on you not having Jim around.”

“It’s okay, daddy, Uncle Jim is back now,” Joanna smiles. “Will he leave again?” She adds her afterthought.

Leonard turns to look at Jim, directing the question to him.

“No, Jo, I’m not going anywhere,” Jim promises.

“So…we’re a family again?” Jo asks nervously.

“We were always a family, baby,” Leonard replies.

“We’re a family, Jo,” Jim adds.

“Am I…going to see mom again?”

“Not for a while, baby,” Leonard shakes his head.

“But…when?”

“I don’t know,” Leonard sighs.

Jim gives Leonard a confused look, letting it go when Leonard nods at him. _I’ll explain later_.

Seeing Joanna’s face drop, Leonard wraps his arms around her and pulls her slightly shaking body into his chest. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers. “It’s going to be okay, we’re going to be okay.”

When it passes and Joanna’s breathing is regulated, she sits between both men and they watch The Lion King until she dozes off.

Leonard gets up, lifting her into his arms and tucks her into bed before going back for Jim to help him into his, well their room. The bed never quite felt right without Jim.

Once they’re both settled under the covers with Jim snuggled comfortably against Leonard’s side, they drift into silence, the question heavy between them.

Leonard runs his palm up and down Jim’s back, remembering how it always soothed the younger man and helped put him to ease.

“You have a questions,” Leonard breaks the silence.

“Just one,” Jim mumbles. “What did she do?”

“Jocelyn slipped a few times. And, well she couldn’t take care of Jo.” But Leonard knew Jim was asking more. “She started drinking and got involved with this man who…wasn’t a good influence. Which is ironic given how she treated me and gave me so much shit for drinking before and I didn’t even do it around Joanna. But she did. She made a habit out of it. I didn’t find out until it was too late. The final string though…” he trails off.

Jim moves up to kiss Leonard’s stubbly cheek.

“She went out, leaving Joanna with a babysitter…she had done that before but this time, it was one she didn’t know. The sitter bolted and Joanna…she was all alone for two hours. Two goddamn hours,” Leonard’s voice shakes.

Jim stays silent but tightens his hold around Leonard’s middle. He could feel the older man’s escalated breathing.

“The neighbors found her. They had arranged to meet with Jocelyn and found Joanna when she opened the door. They called me and I…she was so scared, Jim. She was shivering and pale, in tears and she wouldn’t let go of me. And I didn’t want to let go of her, either. I took her then and we haven’t seen Jocelyn since. All contact has been through our lawyers.”

Leonard closes his eyes, goosebumps running over his body at the memories of that day. He was infuriated when he got the call, telling him his young daughter was all alone. He saw red, his blood boiling in his veins. He was determined to make a scene, to try and understand _how the hell would something like this happen_ but when he got there…all that evaporated into the air when Joanna called out for him and ran into his arms. All that anger and fury was replaced with the complete and utter need to comfort his trembling daughter, to protect her and promise to take care of her.

“Bones? Bones, look at me,” Jim’s voice slowly filters through.

Leonard feels Jim’s hand on his face, stroking away…tears. Leonard wasn’t even aware of the escaped droplets staining his cheeks. He opens his eyes and gazes into Jim’s blue ones, just mere inches away, wide with concern and empathy.

“None of what happened is your fault, Bones.”

“I know that. I just,” Leonard sniffs. “I’m never forgiving her for what happened. It’s not something you just get over. She was reckless and immature and she put Joanna in danger.”

“Why can’t Joanna see her? Your rule?”

“No, she’s in rehab. No idea for how long. Might give her supervised visitation but custody is definitely not in the talks.”

Jim nods with understanding. “What does Jo know about it?”

“Nothing really. She’s asked, of course but I keep telling her that her mom is sick and she’s trying to get better. She asks why we can’t call her and I tell her the doctors say that we can’t.”

“You’re doing your best, Bones and I’m so proud of you.”

Leonard gives him a small smile. “You should get some rest.”

“I’m fine,” Jim insists but groans when he moves.

“Easy, easy,” Leonard soothes. “We got a check up in a week and then we’ll see how things will go.”

“And get ice cream?”

“And get ice cream,” Leonard chuckles.

Jim finds a position that doesn’t send pain pulsing through his body and closes his eyes.

He relaxes against Leonard and the doctor thinks he must have drifted off. But then Jim speaks.

“I’ve always felt like I belong with you and Jo, even when I wasn’t here. Even when we were worlds apart and it seemed impossible and hopeless and so dark…I always knew in my heart we’d be together again. My family didn’t exactly share my view, and they kept saying it’s the heartbreak talking but I knew it. It’s not like there’s only one person for us out there, there’s probably a few but there’s only one you’re meant to be with.”

Leonard brushes his lips against Jim’s forehead.

“I promise you to always protect Jo, no matter the cost, even with my own life. And I promise to never walk away again, to be the person you deserve.”

“Darlin’, you already are,” Leonard breathes.

“I love you Bones, I always have and I always will.”

“I love you too, Jim. I’m not letting go of you ever again.”

Jim listens to Leonard’s steady heartbeat under his ear, comforting and strong with promise. A promise of a better tomorrow and brighter future. That’s the funny thing about life, it throws all kinds of obstacles in your way and it brings you down, but the light is always there. And it will guide you back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we have it! I hope you guys have enjoyed this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it! I might add another chapter with the camping trip but that will be a separate work. Feedback is always appreciated!


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